Dog Demagogue

June 12, 1989 at age 17.

Somewhat limp, yet full of unespected bounce, was the hair of George, her poodle. No ordinary poodle was he, either. George was the secret leader, indeed the king-in-exile, of the suppressed poodle nation now striving for unification through a risorgipoodle of sorts.

“For nearly one thousand years we curly ones have been chained to the fat laps of ghoulish human creatures, denied our wild origin, and condemned to cuteness,” George orated at a nationalistic rally in an abandoned lot one midnight in June. “But we will arise and fight and beat the whole petshop industry to a pulpating ninny of bankruptcy. We will go on and conquer until we rule the world or at least the block of Othello Ave and Darby Ct.!

“GRRRRR ARFF GRRR GRRRUMPH . . .All hail George, most pompous poodle!” chanted his compoodlelats.

“For a hundred and fifty generations the Poodle kings have been waiting, relating the ancient heritage from parent to child, waiting for just that moment to break through from the leashes and kennels of oppression. Now is the time, my fellow poodles. I sniff it in the air. I feel it in the twitches of my royal ears. NOW IS THE TIME!! At 6:00 am sharp we will fight the petshop next door. After acquiring some more territory we will head to city hall, and then to the butchers for some real meat, instead of the “meaty” regurgitated cardboard the human creatures feed us. Then we will take to the fields, forests, take to the hunt, returning to our natural heritage. It will not be easy.” George surveyed the tender faces of his poodle-people. “It will take much brains and guts and brutal force and undying power. But it will be done. And we will be free. We will be true dogs, not little dolls. We will eat real meat. Other dogs will take initiative from us. After all, we poodles have always been the trail-blazers, we were bred for that, you know.”

All his subjects cheered widely. The next day all was done as George said it would be done. But no other dogs took initiative because the media took no notice of it because all the human creatures involved were too embarrassed to admit that they had been licked by a pack of poodles, and not as a friendly gesture.

George’s owner has even put up a sign on all the telephone poles miles around. It says:

LOST DOG  Reward: $500

Poodle, male (George) Long gray hair. Real cute.

Mild and gentle, Has tags on. Hair is somewhat

limp, yet full of unexpected bounce.

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